Thursday, July 11, 2013

I want to live

My destiny is curved in the stone.
I try to change it; knowing the impossibility,
I open the door of ambiguity,
And try to lose myself in totality
But loosing myself I find the real me,
The me, who want to continue to exist,
Even though the ailing heart threatens,
To stop and end this numerous torture.
My ailing heart will fail me soon,
And no one will remember me.

But I want to live;
In the smiles of the babies,
In the scent of spring blossom,
In the colours of rainbows,
In the shower of monsoon,
In the falling leaves of autumn,
In the snow cold mountains of winter,
In the gushing streams that flows through my village.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

The deceit

As I lay on my bed waiting for death to ease me from the pain that I had been going through since the time I had learnt about my incurable cancer, my thought travels back to the time where I had been as normal as any other around me. If only I hadn’t been so naïve as I was then…

There comes a time when the secure life that one is leading would seem like a cage where you feel like a caged bird who would resolve to go to any extent for the sake of freedom; freedom from the normal schedule and explore some wild desires which sometimes lay hidden until you would feel that you would do anything to get a small piece of freedom not realizing the pitfalls that awaits you in every single wrong steps you take. Naïve as I was then I did not realize the dangers that laid ahead for venturing out of my secluded haven.

I dared to venture out of my safe haven to explore the dark adventures of doom. I was blissfully happy and contented. I don’t know how I had survived the mask of a happy home maker and kept my family happy while I was sharing bed with my lover on every pretext I could be away from home. My lover understood my position and didn't demand more than I could give.

My life to the family and friends looked perfect but only two people knew about the double life I lead. We kept the affairs a secret and I was able to pretend to have a normal life while in reality my deceitfulness was eating me. It could be due to my deception or some normal phenomenon but some years later I was diagnosed with cancer and had been undergoing treatment ever since with no positive outcome. My family hasn't got any clue about my deception yet and I intend to keep it that way.

My lover who happens to be my family friend visits me often in the hospital and we talk about all the good times we had before I learned about my disease. During his visits he asks me whether I would have left my family for him for which I honestly respond that I would never have left my family for him even though I loved him. He smiles his knowing smile and says he would wait for me to change my mind though he knows I would never have time to do that.

I know we don’t get second chance in life but if ever I am given a second chance I would never be able to make decision because I am doomed to love two person at a time. Thus I wait for the death to lay its icy hands on me to ease my pain that proliferate as the clock clicks away…

(Fictitious work purely based on writer's imagination)

Sunday, June 3, 2012

To my little angle

I know it’s hard; I know it’s tough.
But one can’t have everything one wishes,
For one have to move away,
To fulfill one’s destiny
To leave the world a little better,
A little brighter than it was at the time of your entry.

You might be away from us
We might be miles apart
But you are always in our thought,
Missed every single moment,
Spoken of at every conversation,
And remembered at every occasion.